It was New Year’s Day, and I was drawing up a list of New Year’s resolutions. My feet were still sore from those beautifully crippling 6 inch heels and I could still smell the Smirnoff and Coke that managed to make its way into my hair. Still, never mind the sticky hair, I’m talking about the start of 2010 – with a great group of friends and a loving family. I was also seeing a handsome and successful guy, and in the process of making a list to ensure that I became the perfect person in the year to come.
Then I get a phone call. After a few minutes, things have ended with the guy I was dating. As I reach into the back of the cupboard for the chocolate, I realise I’m bound to break every resolution I’ve just made in the next 24 hours alone. A great start to 2010.
Angry, alone, and worst of all, in Egham, I threw my list of resolutions in the bin, tearing it up for dramatic effect. Then I made a new resolution. Screw giving up cigarettes, chocolate, and procrastination. I’m giving up men. I made a promise to myself not to get into any kind of relationship for the next six months. No dates, no flirting, no chasing… not even thinking about men – at least not in a romantic sense. No sex until graduation.
It’s hard to be in any type of relationship and keep it separate from the rest of your life. Ever since my late teens I’ve always been in a relationship or chasing some guy, either literally or mentally. Then my first two years of Uni came around and, apart from a few incidents, I stayed away from men. This wasn’t intentional, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds it hard finding romance at Royal Holloway.
Then last term I met Tom, and it was exciting, being with someone again. However, because we don’t live in a world where relationships work out for me, things inevitably ended and I was left feeling rejected, lonely and depressed. My plan of making an early return to Egham in order to start my dissertation very rapidly degenerated into watching Jeremy Kyle and moping around feeling sorry for myself.
So, no men for six months. I’ve realised they are just too much of a distraction. They were getting in the way of things I needed to achieve – passing my degree, getting a good job, becoming very rich and powerful, and so on.
It’s not just men that are a distraction, but sex too. Think about it, the pursuit, the stomach-churning anticipation – let alone the actual time IT takes – major distractions. All that time spent shaving legs, finding matching underwear, painting your nails, blow-drying your hair, batting eyelashes at a tall handsome stranger in a bar. Nearly every time I went to a bar or a club (even the SU) I seemed to be convinced that I would find someone who was worth the trouble. At our SU? Why do I delude myself?
So, after all this, you finally ‘connect’ with someone. Whether it’s physically or mentally, there’s always an aftermath. If you like him, you’re in trouble… talking about it with your friends, wondering if he’s going to call, wondering if you should call him first… If you’ve realised he isn’t all that, then there’s the ‘how do I let him down without seeming like an easy, in-it-for-one-thing, super-skank?’, as well as the embarrassment of possibly bumping into him ever again, especially if it’s a fellow student.
Yes, when it’s good, it’s good. But when it’s not, it can really mess with your mind.
I’m assuming the average student reader will not be at a point in their life where they are looking to settle down for good. So, if we’re ok with that, why do we still feel the pressure to date and continually search for someone to be with? Why not embrace this stage, where it’s ok to be single? We’re at a point in our lives when not everyone is getting married, having kids and opening joint accounts.
So, if you’re like me, and have too many books and archives to sift though, why not take sex off the menu in favour of something that will pay off come exam time?
In the words of Holly Golightly, ‘I have made a very serious decision. No longer will I play the field.’ It’s about time I got my priorities right, and I’m afraid sex just isn’t one of them.
Yeah. Ask me what I think of that decision in a month.
first of all can we be friends?? secondly maybe your problem isnt relationships but having sex too soon and too easily?i am guilty of this so please this isnt a lecture. Just remember even Jordan made Pete wait three months! so maybe just think that you are simply amazing as you are: a man should deserve you. But honey six months? you wont last six weeks!xxxxx
I believe it’s week six now. And I’m still sticking with it
thanks for your comment though.
amazing sophie!!!i personally agree with everything u wrote as i totally understand all u said…
like everybody else, I believe “love” makes women more beautiful psysically and in that sense, its pro important/nice to be in love with somebody…
and ppl can have the happinest moment through love life but the opposite happens as well as u wrote..and im afraid of having that side too.
i always try to believe myself watever im doing, ppl might say to me “oh thats nt rite” bt if i feel right myself why wd i have to change?
i take this theory into my thought towards love life…and end up “doesnt matter even if u havent been in a relationship in ages, that doesnt mean ur nt an attractive person”.
sorry sophie ive got a bit too emortional and donno what the hell am writing bout…
but I really want you to go on ur way in which u feel gooood urself….!!xxx
u already cracked so many jokes up in the article…ur future is very bright….:-D
Love this article!
This article is written with such wit and clarity. I’m tres impressed. It made be LOL.
I think we should all adopt this view, degrees before dicks, a pass before procreation, hard work before hard ons!
x x x x
Very witty, clear and humourous!
Would be great to see if there is a guy on campus that would like to respond…
Keep it up Sophie!
Ok I’ll respond…
I agree that there are more important things than sex. However, sex is important!!!
Not only because of the pleasure it brings to both parties but also because of the pleasure it brings after parties!!! (Like what I´ve done there?)
People just need to know when the next deadline is, that way they can squeeze a quicky here and there…
As for this whole avoiding, falling in love, game playing, etc. There just needs to be a clear conversation BEFORE anything takes place… That way no one gets false hopes or the wrong end of “the stick”.
Nice article BTW
Thanks. And you’re right, there should be that conversation but it doesn’t always happen does it. And even if it does it’s hard for some people to stop themselves attaching emotions to it. People often end up getting the wrong end of “the stick”, even if deep down they know they’re wrong.
This article is what’s wrong with the world. Sex in the City meets boring, vapid arse (boring vapid arse meets boring vapid arse).
It reads like one of those softcore porn for women airport books about being swept away by a handsome stranger with a rippling chest.
Stop watching those American films – you know the ones I mean, they’re turning your brain into a vapid arse-factory.
Thanks for your useful insights Clive. I personally haven’t read any of the womens softcore books you’re talking about so can’t agree or disagree.
The majority of my favourite films happen to be British or French. However, I will take note to avoid American films in the future. Like you said, they represent everything that’s wrong with the world.
Sophie my little wah plum…
This is articulate, witty and clever! You are a great writer and i can’t wait for your next article! You are very talented!
Also I can’t wait for Sex and the City 2…Its everything that is right in this world! Clothes,
NY and Men… and then i can look forward to my brain turing into a vapid-arse factory… YAY!
Love you! X
I hope that Carrie turns up at Clive’s door and punches him in the face!
Cynicism and moody bastards who have nothing better to do than shit all over what I’m sure was meant to be a bit of fun, are both things that are wrong with the world too.
If you can recognise what’s wrong with this world in a nutshell (SATC apparently) then go out and change it. Don’t waste time putting people down whilst over-using the phrase “vapid-arse”.