“Can we have all the candidates for secretary please?”
[ITALICS] Is that me? Am I running for secretary or treasurer? Maybe a quick look around to check if anyone else is running…okay, looks like one other person is running so I’d better get up there. Wait…hold the bus! There’s dozens of candidates! Oh, no, they’re just letting someone out. Phew!
And it looks like I’m going first. Great. Now let’s just grab my notes…oh, no! Where is my Post-It note?! I swear it was in my pocket! *Breathe sigh of relief* It’s here. I could have sworn that I wrote more. Never mind, everyone’s waiting. Trip up onto the stage equals fabulous start.
Why does it have to be so silent when people do speeches? There’s not even annoying elevator music. Right, establish eye contact. With twenty people. Easier said than done – now I feel like I’m glaring at them. Just casually stare over them. Time to talk about how much I enjoy the club and how I want to become more involved. Also it’ll look great on my CV – let’s not say that.
Right, so my personal attributes are…organisation. That’s a good secretarial skill! Is time management a skill? I mean, I’ve attended most of my lectures – is that a skill? (Erm, yes.) And I’m good with communication. Key words galore! Okay, everyone looks really bored, especially that guy on his phone over there. Do I throw in a bad joke? No, no, bad idea! Mission abort, mission abort! Oh, dear, that was tragic.
Thirty seconds left? Erm, please vote for me pleasepleaseplease. Five seconds left? Fnjgureuo! (That. Wasn’t. A. Word.)
Unenthusiastic clapping. Great. Now get down the stairs without falling over. [END OF ITALICS]
“Can you please wait outside?”
[ITALICS] Yes, yes, yes, I’m going! Oh, that was awful. [END OF ITALICS]