Photo by Stephen Harlan on Unsplash
By Isobel Carnochan, Associate Lifestyle Editor
A few days ago, I turned twenty. I’m a firm believer in the fact that getting older is a blessing, but by hell it’s scary. At eighteen and nineteen – still, by definition at least, a ‘teenager’ – I could repress the anxiety of being an adult with a little more ease than I can now. Of course, turning twenty didn’t spark an overnight change in who I am or what my life consists of, but it did spark a lot of reflection on how I’ve changed as a person over the past five years.
I’m not sure many people look back on their teenage self with pride and satisfaction, but I do. Sure, I made mistakes, but I was pretty happy with who I was. I was endlessly ambitious, able to create fun out of even the most mundane tasks, and I stood up for myself with a ferocity that never failed to surprise people. Nowadays, though, I’m beginning to find it harder and harder to advocate for myself with as much effectiveness as I did when I was younger, and I believe this to be the case for many other young adults too. Living on your own, being solely responsible for your own health and wellbeing, cast into the adult world with a finality you don’t quite feel prepared for –these are inherently scary times for us. Given that speaking up for yourself is inherently a bit uncomfortable already, there’s no wonder why it can feel so difficult at this age. The anxious young adult is a tale as old as time, but I’m not satisfied with being just that. I want to advocate for myself with the same unashamed confidence and effectiveness I did at 17, and I’ve done the research to figure out how.
First and foremost, I think the first step for standing up for yourself is simultaneously pretty obvious and pretty easy to forget: figuring out what you want. You can’t make your voice heard until you actually know what your voice is. With the entire world at your feet and endless opportunities in front of you, it’s undeniably hard to narrow this down. But no one is asking for a grand life goal and a twenty-year plan just yet, all you need to do is figure out what you want in each situation as it presents itself. For example, imagine your housemates have proposed getting takeaway for dinner. All of them want to order Italian, but you’re in the mood for a simple kebab shop veggie burger. Knowing what it is that you actually want in that situation is the first step in making your voice heard. But when you’re on your own, and it feels like the whole world is opposing you (or even just your whole house), it’s not enough to just choose a goal and voice it aloud. Unfortunately, the world does not work like that. To effectively advocate for the changes and events you want to happen, you need to actually convince others as well.
Obviously, this can be tricky. But psychological research done into a phenomenon called ‘minority influence’ can help us, as it found three specific things you can do to increase your chances of convincing others and getting the end goal you’re hoping for. Naturally, this research was regarding small political groups who wanted to implement changes that went against social norms – something like environmental activists who wanted to have plastic straws replaced by paper ones. But I can’t see any reason why this research can’t be applied on a smaller scale, to help us young adults advocate for ourselves and the things we want. Subsequently then, the three things you must maintain whilst advocating for yourself are commitment, consistency, flexibility.
Commitment to the goal you want to achieve is easier to understand in terms of large political protests, but surely applicable to everyday living too. If we return to the hypothetical situation at hand, in which your housemates want to order Italian whilst you’re in favour of the local kebab shop, you need to show them just how committed you are to the cause. Perhaps, you would offer to cover the delivery fee yourself, or pay for some chips for everyone to share. If people can see that the cause is something you believe to be worth committing to, they may find themselves considering it a little more seriously.
Then we have consistency, which has two facets to it. The first is consistency of argument, and the second is consistency between arguers. Say that your commitment to the local kebab shop manages to sway one of your housemates onto your side, the two of you then need to be making arguments that are consistent with what one another has said. If one of you argues that the kebab shop food isn’t brilliant but is cheaper, and the other argues that your kebab shop serves the best food in the country… Well, you won’t be convincing anyone. You can’t convince people unless they know what they’re being convinced of. Equally, that’s why consistency of the argument itself is so important: if one second you’re agreeing to just get Italian and the next you’re bringing up the kebab shop again, no one is likely to be compelled by your argument.
And, finally, flexibility. I know it sounds counter-intuitive to be both consistent and flexible, but I suppose it’s the careful balancing of both that really makes or breaks an argument. If you just chant ‘kebab! kebab! kebab!’ at your house over and over again, they’ll probably just write you off as stubborn and difficult. If, however, you are willing to show some flexibility and concede to a different kebab shop, but a kebab shop nonetheless – you may just about wear them down and get your veggie burger after all.
Eventually, if you implement these into your arguments, people will begin to see your side of the situation. As the number of people in agreement with you increases, eventually you will find yourself as no longer a minority voice but a champion of the majority. Your voice will be heard, and you will have not only advocated for yourself and the things you believe in but you will have done so effectively.
Standing up for yourself is scary, perhaps even more so as a young adult than ever before. Personally, I definitely felt more confident doing so as a teenager, knowing that once the situation was over I would be going home to parents who could help. Now that an empty room and a facetime call is all that awaits me at the end of most days, standing up for myself doesn’t come so easily. But it’s important that we as young adults continue to do so, despite how uncomfortable it can feel. Making our voices heard, whether from dinner plans to large scale political revolutions, is key to getting the most out of life we possibly can. It may not make our first steps into adulthood any less scary, but it’ll make them worth it.