By Habiba Khalil
A mere 407 years ago, our truly beloved Shakespeare died, but not in vain, for he thankfully set the standard of a true love story for us all before departing. Romeo and Juliet is argued as one of the greatest love stories to ever exist, but would they have lasted in a modern world? A 2024 love story would no doubt have sent Shakespeare crawling into his grave again. I mean, can you imagine explaining a situationship to him? Therefore, it is obviously my job to introduce Romeo and Juliet to the twenty-first Century and hope and pray that I stay off William’s haunting list.
Let me set a quick scene for you. The play ends not with a dramatic death scene but instead Romeo and Juliet stumbling across a time machine, right as they are about to die in the name of eternal love. They are transported to a world where divorce rates are 43%, and leopard print rules. The two lovebirds buy an apartment in Notting Hill (sixteenth century money gets you far) and move in together. A concept so wild to the two but nevertheless exciting. Life is good.
That is until, the three month mark hits and everything comes crumbling down. Romeo discovers a Blank Street blueberry matcha and an addiction begins. Juliet spends all her time in pilates studios, neglecting her relationship. It is as a last resort that the two attempt to save their relationship. They have a lot to discuss.
Following TikTok therapy pages, the two start to take it step by step. Juliet is first. She addresses her concerns with how quickly Romeo got over his ex, Rosaline, and almost took his life for Juliet so soon after. She realises now that five days is not a normal amount of time to find someone, fall in love, and sacrifice your life for them. It was clearly a traumatic week for the two of them. But she is fearful of trauma dumping but also wants to communicate her feelings to her partner. She does not want to overthink it but also wants to validate her feelings without invalidating his. Poor Juliet. I probably should have warned her, sorry girl.
The concept ‘love bombing’ is thrown around a lot after 8pm in the Capulet-Montague household. Juliet has been speaking to a friend at the pilates studio who tells her to be wary of Romeo as he is a major red flag, which Juliet manages to deduce as a bad thing although she’s still not 100% sure, bless her. Her friend asks whether Romeo gives her any icks as a way to make her feel better. Juliet left that day thinking of Romeo dropping a coin and chasing after it to pick it up. It truly was a bad day for her. Romeo reassures her that Rosaline is in the past, and Juliet decides to forgive. They move past this.
Romeo is next. He’s just watched Normal People and realises that had Juliet and him communicated better, there would be no accidental suicides. Romeo is beginning to get tired of having to reaffirm his love for Juliet and argues that the barista at the Notting Hill Gate branch says that relationships should be full of trust. He proposes a casual, open marriage, but Juliet knows how this goes. Chappell Roan is her number one artist.
Instead, Juliet proposes they both find the magical time machine and go back to their lives in Verona. Apparently, dying is a much more appealing idea to the two lovers as opposed to staying and discovering what limerence is and the impact of attachment styles. Shocking, right?
It is clear to say a modern love story is one capable of derailing the greatest love of all time. Can relationships function in a world where everything is analysed and labelled? Or have things gotten out of hand?
Image: Frank Bernard Dicksee, ‘Romeo and Juliet’ (1884), Southampton City Art Gallery.