Sunday, February 16Royal Holloway's offical student publication, est. 1986

A False Sense of Vanity

You’re sat there looking at me, whilst I look at myself
In the mirror rested on my vanity;
You’re merely the audience,
Watching the staring competition between myself, and my reflection.
There’s a certain look in my eye- one that you assume is self-admiration,
But that must mean you have never been in this situation before,
Otherwise you would see the difference between
Glinting, excessive pride, and glossy, tearful eyes.
So before you jump to conclusions, saying that I am vain,
And self-obsessed,
And can’t stop looking at myself, for long enough to see you looking at me,
There are a few things you should know:
When I paint my lips pink, it isn’t to make myself pretty,
It is to trap the poisonous words of hatred that ‘playfully’ tease me
After they see the unrecognisable reflection of me without makeup.
Every time I send you a picture of my new hair colour,
Know, that it isn’t so that I am seen by everyone around me
Because I love being the centre of attention,
But in fact a cry for help, a sign
That I cannot cope if I don’t have constant change in my life; if I’m not the one in control.
Or perhaps the jewellery,
The rings;
The necklaces;
The earrings,
All of which you think I wear in excess, to be different,
To stand out, sparkling, from the rest of the crowd-
Although if you really knew me, you’d know that the gold and silver is a coverup,
Something to make the ugly skin be mistaken for skin that is beautiful,
Something for people to admire, hiding the person they have never once admired.

So next time you see me looking,
Know that it is a false sense of vanity,
Reflected in the mirror rested on my vanity.

~Mya Rogers

Image: Giorgio Trovato via Unsplash