By Evelyn Fernandez-Jarvis, Associate Lifestyle Editor
Movement is a fitting title for the period of September through to December. It seems that as the leaves are turning a deep red, we see this bout as a period to spend more time at home, but to also analyse ourselves. Put ourselves under the microscope, so to speak. What we find when under a self inspection can vary from degree to degree.
Last year during this period these months of confinement felt suffocating, and my release of emotions came in the form of an article published last year in an issue called ‘Modernity’. Inside this article was a key to my locked up emotions; it encompassed the overwhelming feelings that I was grappling with in this returning year. Furthering this, entering second year I could not comprehend the levels of anxiety that I felt with the shorter, darker and gloomy days becoming an everyday occurrence, which really should not have been a surprise when we live in the UK. My anxiety wholeheartedly consumed my brain.
When closing this article I stated how I knew and believed that this period of deep thought and agonising scrutiny of myself would end and I would be able to see the other side, which spoiler alert: Happened. Throughout the year, I have literally moved through the motions and I have come to a conclusion on how I can prevent intense periods like this from repeating.
So let’s fast forward to this autumn, officially my third and final year has begun and I am now required to juggle so many more plates than before. And yet I am more content than ever. One of my many realisations of this past year is that when you are in this heightened period of your life, you can find completely safe structures and deem them as threats. A mouse can start to look like a lion. I think about how this rush to get ahead of the curve and ensure my future, whilst definitely looming, does not affect me to the degree that it used to. Whenever I feel anxious I always look at the next step in front of me. This does not mean a ten step life plan to my future life. The pressure, I have realised, that all students grapple with to have all of the decades ahead of us planned and revised is quite literally impossible to achieve. There is a reason why we are still figuring things out, our early twenties is a time to branch out and have fun. Whilst I am not denying that working hard is a part of this equation, we also need to have conversations about these emotions.
The idea that everyone on campus knows where their destination in life is, is simply unrealistic and untrue. When alone, these feelings are as real as the words you are currently reading. I realised that these intrusions on my mind were controlling my movements. So the next step was to start to implement a relationship with myself from scratch. Understanding that from now on I needed to completely believe in myself and devote my time and energy into prioritising myself and adjusting my limits. The word ‘No’ is there for a reason and sometimes needs to be said.
I realised that this relationship I started with myself reinforced confidence that I felt I had since forgotten; I resurrected it and started to forge a way through deadlines, part-time work and extracurriculars. You need to have a certain level of work and play. It can’t be unbalanced in either section. You need to figure out a give and take relationship with yourself. For example, when you wake up in the morning, start to view yourself as a battery that will eventually run out. Everyday you get to dictate what you do with your time, do not allow yourself to dedicate 50% of your energy to tasks or relationships that you know will be more anxiety-inducing. If something is taking a greater toll on yourself than is necessary, release it.
As I write this we are currently in what we call at Royal Holloway: Wobble Week. This is the idea that everyone starts a term with a fire and passion to work towards achievements that they want to accomplish in the coming academic year. However, as we enter three weeks into this academic season, normally we start to lag in energy, determination, and the pressure as well as the reality starts to quietly seep into our minds. We start to become less ambitious and all around we ‘wobble’.
However, this metaphorical ‘wobble’ can be a quiet alert that our battery is completely out of energy and we need support to ensure that we get back to full capacity. I realised that however trendy it has become, the notion of ‘reset Sundays’ is actually a useful way for maintaining a constant degree of steadiness that needs to be implemented for yourself to lean on in stressful times.
In conclusion, Where am I a year later? Well, I was able to enter a stable and steady relationship with my mental health that allows me to get through rough patches. If you are in a time that you feel is overwhelming you, don’t give up on yourself – the bright moments are just around the corner. I have linked wellbeing for Royal Holloway down below if there is a need to reach out.
We make choices that inevitably push us forward in our life. This is where life as we know it brings us to this exact piece in time that we are sitting in, every choice and every precise movement has led us to this direct moment in time. In this case, decisions have moved us here at Royal Holloway University. So make the most of it!! Do not track your movements so closely, instead understand that there is no ‘best version of yourself’ you are always at different variations of yourself and this is okay to explore and lean into them.
Wellbeing team: [email protected]
Image: Europeana on Unsplash