By Evelyn Fernandez-Jarvis– Deputy Editor-In-Chief
Whilst I feel in the modern world anxiety and mental health has become more accepted, at times it does still feel that when you suffer from it daily, you are inevitably, completely alone. Personally, I can only come from the perspective of someone who has anxiety. As a 2nd year student I believed that when I came back after a summer break that all the first year fears would simply float away. Unfortunately, that is not how anxiety works. It creeps up on you at unexpected times and before you know it, you are in a flood of your own spiralling thoughts that feel inescapable.
Sometimes it’s like I am peeping through a glass window and looking at all the people who are doing different, exciting things and I am constantly wondering how they make it look effortless. How do they know what to wear? or what to talk about? or introduce themselves to new people with ease and not overthink every word.
I guess this is an ode to the people that are fighting the silent battles that no one can see. Everyone experiences mental health in different ways and expresses it through various coping mechanisms. I used to believe that when I felt like my feelings were getting overwhelming, that the only way through it was alone. The idea of telling people that I am the closest to would feel like I am burdening them.
However, I slowly realised that saying out loud the thoughts that I was holding so tightly to, helped me sort out my feelings and properly work through them. Obviously it goes without saying that old habits die hard and sometimes it is difficult to break this pattern that often feels as though it is second-nature. But reaching out, although may seem terrifying, can be a big way to even connect to others that may be feeling the same way.
I spoke to other 2nd year students and they had the same confusing and all-consuming feelings of worry and lack of confidence in these starting weeks of university. Coming back to a high paced environment that we thought we would be used to after a year and are astounded when campus feels overwhelming and out of our depth in just a matter of seconds. University is a new place, filled with different people. On the one hand it is an exciting and exhilarating experience. This is a place where people get to strive for what they want their future to look like and make new friends in the process. However, this feeling can quickly turn into self-doubt, and an over-stimulating environment, where getting lost in the crowd can be petrifying. With so many people in one place it can feel as though everyone is walking in the same direction but you are the only one that is unsure what the destination is. I kept on feeling a sense of wanting to participate more or share my own thoughts in seminars or extra-curricular activities but the words could never make it because of this dark cloud of anxiety and the worry that everything would go wrong would come true.
I found myself at social events where I would be enjoying myself and yet kept on having this sense of doubt and counting down the minutes until I was alone with my thoughts so that I could properly work through them. Or wanting to leave in case I said something wrong, just knowing that this sinking feeling would come and I would inevitably be up all night overthinking and getting worked up.
Furthering this, I found getting frustrated at myself was a common occurrence, mainly because deep down I knew that I wanted to grasp onto every opportunity that was available to me at this unique period of my life. But feeling like it was all too much because I mentally knew that my brain would feel overloaded with all my other responsibilities. However, sometimes you have a breakthrough experience when you fight past this and realise that it is, in fact, all in your head. This repetition of putting yourself out there tells you that no matter how loud the voice in your head gets, that you can in fact do it. You can participate, you can have the same experiences as everyone else and enjoy them as they are happening. Anxiety can be such a peculiar experience as you literally can never see it coming. But coming up with a healthy coping mechanism and being aware of what is happening can be a bit more comforting because you know how to deal with it and you can prevent it from getting any worse. Knowing that nothing bad will happen to you in the middle of a panic attack can help push through to the other side.
As I navigate through second year, I feel as though it is important to realise that there will be periods in everyone’s lives where your anxiety will be at an all time high. Contrastingly, other periods in your life will feel as though this shadow of doubt has simply floated away and you are free to do what you want without anxiety haunting your every movement. In the modern world we may be moving forward with mental health and wanting to make sure that everyone is getting the best support possible but this doesn’t mean that sometimes it can feel extremely lonely and this loneliness can feel consuming at times. However, one perk of the modern world is that we now have resources to help us get through the periods that feel difficult to process. If you are currently in need of extra support I have linked the wellbeing resources for Royal Holloway University below. But to end on a more positive note I do believe, however cliche it is, that there is calm after the storm and things will get better. Keep going, we are in this together.
Wellbeing links: Email: [email protected]
Join daily virtual drop-in sessions between 11am-2pm during term time.
Image: Europeana via Unsplash