Honey-Rose Dunn, Staff Writer
When I feel an old memory rush past me, and see a version of myself that feels more like a character than my younger self, I wonder whether I have become a completely different person. Over the years, our world changes and takes us with it, our bodies grow and age, our beliefs change, and our old memories blur behind the new ones. It’s as if we become new people all together. But, sometimes I feel like it’s impossible to outrun the past versions of myself, as if she haunts my new life and new experiences, as if I am unable to move on from the world she experienced. Perhaps we are not supposed to lose all the versions of ourselves, perhaps we never truly change.
You can drop yourself in any part of the world and your scars will still be there, your mind will have the same thoughts, and your feet will feel the same on the ground. There isn’t really a way to know if you’re moving forward or backwards. Moving forwards feels like you’re taking a million little steps back, but you’re still on your way over the hill. Sometimes I look back and see a different person. I see a little girl running in her pink, sparkly wellies, with bright, patterned leggings that don’t match. I see a teen in a dance class, her wavy hair slicked down, her body small and strong. I see a girl who is scared, who is sick, who is one of the happiest girls on earth. How does each one fit inside one mind?
When every part of you has changed, or at least a little, it feels like the past versions of yourself are strangers. The Ship of Theseus is a thought experiment introduced by Plutarch, a Roman writer, and Theseus, from Greek mythology. The story goes that Theseus’ ship was originally made from wood, and as each part needed replacing, it was replaced with a new metal piece. In the end, is the ship the same? Some argue that if the ship is made from new materials, then it is technically a new ship. Others say that the design is the same, the function and purpose is the same, so it is technically the same ship. The same argument is applied to us, our bodies. Our cells regenerate, our bodies shift, we gain new experiences that change the way we think and behave. So are we the same person in the end? Since The Ship of Theseus is a thought experiment, it is not supposed to have one ‘answer’. But, in my opinion, as human beings, we are not just an amalgamation of parts, and there is something undefinable that can’t be changed.
What makes us, us? I see a core inside of us that stays the same from day one to our last. One string holding together each year and each new version of ourselves. Some call it a soul, for others it may be our identity. I see it as a part of my identity, something small that I have had since birth, that holds instincts, that holds unexplained dreams and hopes, that holds my search for purpose in the world. When I wonder who I really am, whether I truly like the things I like, I remember that I have never truly known, but I have always been someone. I have always worried about little things, anxiety is nothing new. I have always thought and felt deeply. I have always loved to escape to the inner landscapes of my mind. Some things don’t change, some things can’t change. Our tangible self is ever-changing, just like our world, but spiritually, or perhaps mentally, something stays the same. We move, we grow, but we can’t completely change into something different, in the way that a piece of wood can be switched for metal.
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