Sunday, May 19Royal Holloway's offical student publication, est. 1986

Mummy’s Boys

What really defines a Mummy’s Boy? Reluctantly independent? Stupidly stubborn? The fact that mummy’s opinion trumps everything else? Can these qualities define YOU?

The connection between mothers and their sons is possibly the strongest bond there is. So why aren’t all boys Mummy’s Boys? The answer changes from person to person, but the one element that is shared between all Mummy’s Boys is love. Who else are you going to gossip to about your latest love affairs, or run to when the other kids take your football off you at break? Mummy is the one that solves all your issues, whether it be with a hug or with a bowl of your favourite food made with an extra dollop of mummy’s pity. These are the foundations of what it means to be a Mummy’s Boy.

If you’ve ever heard any of the following, then I’m afraid you may have been in the company of a Mummy’s Boy: “I’m not sure what mum would say”, “I’ll just ask mum”, “Mum’s not going to be so happy”. Sound familiar? Mum’s opinion is of the utmost importance to Mummy’s Boys, and God help you if you disagree. For millennia, scientists have thought the mysteries of the universe lie in the field of Astrophysics, but instead they actually lie in the collar tugging power mums have over their boys.

Ask your boyfriend what they call their mum. If they’re above the age of eighteen (and that’s being generous), and still call her mummy, then be warned. Unless you are ready to be trapped in a constant field of judgement, RUN, because we all know, “no one is good enough for mummy’s little boy”. I mean, seriously, do you really think you can beat mummy? Hard no.

Let’s not forget about the weird social media relationship. Do you let your parents see anything on your socials? I would guess probably not. Mummy’s Boys, however, follow and connect with their mothers religiously. If you ever thought that weird comment on his recent was a sneaky link, I can assure you it’s a lot worse than that. So the next time you’re stalking your crush on Insta, have a look at who he follows, and if his mum is there… BLOCK, DELETE AND MOVE ON.

If your ideal man is the physical embodiment of a labrador, then a mummy’s boy is perfect for you. They are relentlessly loving and annoyingly loyal. They tend to completely overshare despite having many attachment issues and not being able to leave their room without texting their mum where they are going. Their high level of devotion is unquestionable… that is if you’re accepted by mummy.

So, if you’re reading this and suddenly feel a heated flush, you might just be a Mummy’s Boy. Fear not, though. For every Mummy’s Boy, there is a Daddy’s Girl waiting to be loved.