Friday, April 19Royal Holloway's offical student publication, est. 1986

Three Girls. Two Bottles of Wine. One Candid Conversation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ever wondered what three drunk girls have to say about sex, love and relationships? No, us neither. But we did it anyway for your amusement. 

Presenting: The Orbital Guide to Looser Sex and February Frolicking.

On one night stands:

E – I enjoy a good one night stand but nothing beats familiar sex.

T – I have never had one but with my dry spell I will take a one stop shop anytime.

B – I’ve only ever had one and I ended up kicking him out because it was boring.

On sex with parents around:

E – For the love of god lock the door.

T – Minimal movement positions are key here, think lazy morning sex.

B – Just don’t do it.

On sex in a single bed:

E – On top is a great space saver so don’t skip leg day.

T – Spooning is a great space saver but make sure not to make fun of his fragile masculinity when he is offended by your big spoon.

B – My lucky number is 69.

On getting laid on valentine’s day 

Part 1: The pre sex prep:

E – Do some key networking at the next SU and Toast to warm them up before the big day which happens to fall on a beloved Wednesday. If fails, accept the booty call.

T – Plugin the airfreshner before you go, personal favourite is vanilla like my sex.

B – Head home for reading week and hit up that old flame for some ill-timed nostalgia.

Part 2: The Action:

E – Foreplay you want plus the foreplay you need multiplied by three.

T – Sperm and hair are the new oil and water.

B – ORAL

Part 3: Morning After Politics:

E– Cater for all vegetarian, vegan and carnivore options in the kitchen as well as between the sheets

T – Don’t stay for too long, get out by mid day or risk catching feels.

B – Take the stride of pride, you got laid.

On our favourite kind of sex:

E – Being woken up to sex is an ideal kind of morning.

T – Missionary has seen the biggest rebrand since Royal Holloway chose grey and orange- classy and simple

B – In control and on topform.

On spicing things up:

E – Sex Dice Evolved  is an app that introduces new movements on body parts that you might not have thought of.

T – Edible underwear.

B  – Do a Claire and Phil Humphey and meet in a hotel somewhere as two strangers seeing where the night takes you.

And there it is, The Orbital Guide to Looser Sex and February Frolicking. If you’re interested in recreating a more sexually diverse version of this article, get in touch at your own risk – we can supply the equipment. 

Happy Valentines Day from all at Orbital Magazine!