Wednesday, June 19Royal Holloway's offical student publication, est. 1986

“Grab a coat”… you’re hitting the SU!

So will you be at the SU on Wednesday night? After all, where else will you find sticky floors and artificially blue VK’s? It is likely our Thursday lectures would thank us for a night in, yet for a single guy what better opportunity is it to flex the muscle memory of high school flirting techniques…

So, what I ask is, how are the guys here at Royal Holloway pulling girls at the SU? With a higher percentage of girls to guys, it is easy to presume that the task will be an easy one and guys at the SU are definitely not lacking in confidence. Through witnessing the awkwardness of them attempting to make their move, their tactics are interesting, to say the least…

Many get drunk and grope and grind on the dance floor, whilst others attempt to make ‘bedroom eyes’ across the bar. A fair few go for a more gentlemanly approach and nestle their way in at the bar queue and if the girl is lucky they may get a drink out this advance.

However, from the guy’s point of view it’s never going to be easy. Girls stick together!
In this case, one guy, approaching a group of girls will never go down as smoothly as he would like.

This calls for ‘the friend that’s already in a relationship’, his wingman, the one who has nothing better to do than accompany him on his quest.
Now the next task is deciding – where does he go?
1. The Main hall – music dating back to the charts of 2010 and floors that might leave you unable to pick your feet up.
2. The Bar: you could attempt to find love while throwing back the Sambuca – but then you might have to buy her more drinks? Student budget? Best leave it.
3. The Smoking Area: where the air is a permanent cloud – but at least she can actually hear you smooth talk your way back to hers.

After speaking to some rather lucky Holloway guys (a couple of whom actually managed to get a girl back to their room… yes I know). Here are the best ways to go about it:

1. “Two guys going up to two girls – no third wheeling for your friend, and at least you don’t look too desperate”, says First year gym obsessed Maths student, who believes “steak and kale keeps me on my game.”

2. “Try not to go out looking to pull or you’ll end up disappointed, just let it happen but don’t be let down if you go back with nothing more than your SU wristband”, says Cotswold born History fresher who managed to smooth talk a girl back to his flat.

3. “Perhaps latch onto the fact that you both come from the same hometown and then chat about all the things you love there, meanwhile everyone is oblivious to what you are on about,” says first year Holloway guy who once convinced a girl that Northwich and Norwich are just different pronunciations of the same place…

4. “Girls always love to take selfies of themselves dancing and looking like they are having a good time – even if the night is shockingly bad. So just open snapchat, get her to add herself, and then contact her in the week…’ says social media junkie.

Although not all of the guys are as lucky…or even deserve to be after these car crash actions…
1. Ah the dodgy pick up lines! They always strike gold (that cheap kind you find in Claire’s Accessories). One of the best being to a third year English student. “So do you come here often?” Her response was “well its the SU, so like literally the only club on campus.” We are waiting to discover if he recovered from that word vomit.

2. Another one that I cannot believe is when the girl hints to go to the bar to get a drink, seemingly he is in with a chance, however he ruins it for himself at the last moment when he expects her to buy HIM a drink!

3. On other occasions the wingman fails to fulfil his duty. Two guys approached one second year philosophy student and began to brag about achieving firsts in a course she was taking. She then innocently asked them if they were a couple as they were so involved and complimentary of each other’s achievements. The response was, “NO! Between us we’ve slept with 50 girls, do you want to be the 51st?” That is one first they are certainly not going to achieve!

4. One girl said after being lured to dance with a guy on the SU floor, she managed to get hold of his phone to add her number. However on the lock screen was a picture of him and what looked like his girlfriend! The moral is don’t have a picture of you posing with a girl as your screensaver if you want to actually stand a chance!

5. Finally, one of the most cringe worthy of the pulling techniques is from another third year English student who said: “I once had a guy declare his undying love for me and told me how he’d seen me around campus and was willing to leave his girlfriend of two years (oddly specific) for me… I just pretended I couldn’t hear him.” Great catch? A stalker and treating his girlfriend rather questionably? I think charm here borders on creepy…

So at 2 to 7, is the SU the best place for a guy to pick up girls on campus? It most likely isn’t the place where you will find your perfect match – as after a few VK’s its fair to say everyone has turned into cringe worthy neon monsters dressed in their best jeans and crop tops… However, that isn’t to say it isn’t worth at shot? So here’s the top three tips to avoid the cringe and leave you looking somewhat normal (yet with a neon blue halo):
1. Don’t force it – if you’ve been chatting for more than 10 minutes about referencing styles, she obviously just sees you as ‘that guy on my course’.
2. Don’t feel as a guy to always pay for drinks, but maybe offer to buy the first round, she may  offer to pay herself or at least may buy the second round?
3. Try not to grind and drool all over her. But then again don’t just stand there – have a good time! Yet, if you’re trying too hard to have fun that can be a turn off – just go with the music and dance as a group. If she sees you having a good time as your NATURAL self, she is more likely to be attracted.

Although after queuing to get in, and fighting the swarm of freshers for the bar, perhaps a flat party back at Wedderburn is still the best option? With some cheap vodka, what else is needed? For starters, you can actually hear yourself talk, control the music on offer, and you aren’t forced to dance in a stuffy room with someone constantly elbowing you to get on the camera! Yes, the trek back up to Tuke is a bit much after a few shots, but at least you’ve been invited…so that’s an offer to stay over…right?